The Butt-Pinching Poltergeist

I have to thank fellow author here at The Occult Section, Laura Pennace, for finding this story. She’s been writing a lot of posts lately while I get settled in at my new job. Anyways, I volunteered to write this story, and the reason why will be very clear. As an ass man, this is a ghost after my own heart.

Cheeky waitress Ashley Beland. I'd probably pinch her buns, too...

In this day and age clouds of smoke appearing in a pub are most likely nothing more than the work of drinkers surreptitiously snubbing the cigarette ban.

But bar staff at one Birmingham pub believe the explanation is a touch more ghoulish.

They claim that the Queens Arms, in the city’s Jewellery Quarter, is in fact haunted by a ghost who likes nothing more than a crafty fag.

Meanwhile, staff of both sexes say they are having to mount a cover-up operation in a bid to thwart the ghost – because it also has a penchant for pinching their bottoms.

Employees at the pub say they are haunted by a cheeky phantom who is not picky in who he targets. Manager Christian Dixon even claims to have had his buttocks tweaked.

He said: ‘It’s quite shocking – and definitely not a muscle spasm. It’s a very firm pinch. It happens day and night.

‘You turn round, but there’s no one there. It’s most off-putting.’

Assistant manager and barmaid Paula Wharton also says she has felt the vice-like grip of the playful spook.

The 41-year-old said: ‘I don’t think he’s nasty, he’s just another regular.

‘I live at the pub, but I’m OK in the flat. It’s late at night when staff walk from the back to the bar that they see and hear things.’

Ms Wharton has bolted only once, when she heard music and singing coming from the bowels of the empty building.

There are an awful lot of things that go bump in the night at the 170-year-old watering hole.

One bald-headed ghost is so confused by the new layout he’s been spotted walking through walls to find the bar.

There have also been the mysterious clouds of smoke – apparently not caused by drinkers snubbing the cigarette ban – and strange noises.

Barmaid Georgina Mason has had the closest close encounter with the spirit world. She was about to challenge a stranger walking through the bar.

Before she could utter a word, however, the deadpan visitor – a small, bald, smartly-dressed individual – had disappeared through a wall.

Mr Dixon is baffled by the catalogue of eerie events.

The 28-year-old added: ‘We have witnessed chairs moving on their own, frequently heard footsteps when the pub is closed and seen pockets of twirling smoke inside, always coming from the same area.’

He doesn’t know who the ghosts are, but heard a little girl died after falling down stairs many, many years ago.

‘We each have our own theories as to what’s causing these occurrences,’ he confessed.

‘But whatever it is, it does seem some customers and staff love the place so much they just can’t bring themselves to leave.’

A team of ghostbusters are set to visit in the next few weeks. They’re in for a tough night, says Mr Dixon – a real ‘backs to the walls’ job.

Oh yeah, some other paranormal stuff happened too, but honestly, I was much more interested in the barmaid butt-pinching.

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