[Really?] Census Plan To Monitor Vanishing Ghosts

Getting people who are alive to fill out census forms is hard enough, but that isn’t stopping one rogue “certified paranormal investigator” from trying to complete a census of every ghost in the world. That is assuming, of course, there would be no language barrier, that all ghosts are land ghosts (not sea ghosts), that there are no ghosts in space, and that, of course, ghosts exist and want to participate in a census. But this dude is certified so clearly he knows what he’s doing.

"I could have sworn I left my ghost detector right next to my submarine with the screen doors!"

Poland’s only officially registered ghost hunter has accused the spirit world of giving up on mankind – and he wants a census to check his theory that there are fewer spirits bothering to stay and haunt people.

Piotr Shalkevitz, 40, from Chrzanow, Poland, who has spent tens of thousands of pounds on the best paranormal detection equipment from the US, believes it might be because they have given up trying to warn people to prepare for the afterlife.

He said: “Maybe they think we aren’t worth saving, and they have given up trying to tell us whatever it was they wanted us to know.

“It might also be that people just aren’t bothered, they see so much on the TV and they just rationalise it all away. They have become immune to messages from beyond.”

Now frustrated Piotr, who became Poland’s only officially registered full-time ghost buster three years ago, has issued a plea to his fellow countrymen for a census of ghosts to monitor the population. But he also wants global ghost busters to contact him about their local spooks.

He said: “We need to have a record of where the ghosts are haunting, and only then can we really monitor if numbers are falling. If there is no record in the first place we have nowhere to start.

“If someone suspects paranormal activity, I have a 24-hour hotline. Call me and I’ll be there.”

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