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Posts Tagged ‘humor’

Paranormal Make-Up? Kinda Sorta…

May 24th, 2013 No comments

Illamasqua is a make-up company I’ve never heard of before tonight that has garnered enough attention with its new paranormal-inspired make-up line to pop up in my searches for bloggable stories. This make up works well for both the ghost hunter who needs a little injection of pizzazz in what is otherwise a dull life consisting of sitting in dark rooms in silence for hours on end, as well as the 90s raver who, with glow sticks in hand, is seriously going to own the place this weekend at Webster Hall.

I love the explanation:

Don't you know that's seven years of bad luck?

Don’t you know that’s seven years of bad luck?

Illamasqua is opening the doorway to a new dimension. Dare to come in? Go where you have never been before. Give in as beauty takes control.

It is time to awaken the aura you have repressed for so long, and explore a new universe of unexpected textures and formulas. Embrace the distorted reflection in a cracked mirror; the candle that suddenly extinguishes in a sealed room; a window has opened, allowing you to penetrate the fragile membrane of a twin existence, the paranormal world.

After all, why be normal, when you can be Paranormal?

Why by normal indeed? Only losers are normal.

So what makes this make up so special? Well…

Alone, each shade delivers bold, high-impact colour with a distinctive shimmer finish. But when worn under black UV light they take on a life of their own, omitting a standout glow that cannot be ignored.

It would be pretty tough to ignore someone whose face glows in the dark like New Years’ Eve in Times Square. But now that I’ve looked at everything, I WANT IT ALL! Ahhh. I’m so impressionable.

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Man’s ‘Ghost Camera’ Films His Girlfriend and Son Having Sex

May 23rd, 2013 No comments

We here at The Occult Section love coming across stories like this one. You can’t make this stuff up, people. A man in Australia set up a hidden camera in his home, allegedly to film some paranormal activity that he suspected was going on. Instead, he filmed his girlfriend banging his 16-year old son. Very creepy evidence, just not of the kind he wanted.

"The ghost made me do it, dad!"

“The ghost made me do it, dad!”

A man in Tasmania hoping to capture evidence of ghosts in his home discovered something else going bump in the night: His girlfriend having sex with his 16-year-old son from a previous marriage.

What started out as ghost-busting has turned into marriage-busting. The 28-year-old woman pleaded guilty to five counts of having sexual intercourse with a minor in Tasmania’s Supreme Court on Monday, News.com.au reported.

The incident came to light in October 2012, when the boy’s father set up a video camera to capture what he believed was paranormal activity in the house. Instead, it documented his son and the woman kissing and cuddling, the Tasmania Mercury reported.

Police questioned the woman after the incident and the boy moved away from the couple. However, it was revealed during court proceedings that the woman travelled to see him and had sex with him during a six-day at a hotel, Yahoo Australia reported.

The woman — who has reportedly been dating the boy’s father for 11 years — told the court she thought the age of consent in Australia was 16. It is actually 17, and she told the court she was ”ashamed and embarrassed” by her conduct, the New York Daily News reported.

The case is arousing the interest of paranormal investigators like Alexandra Holzer,who said the man’s attempt to capture paranormal activity might have been a cover for suspicions about his girlfriend.

“Maybe he used [the paranormal investigation] as an excuse because he thought something was up,” she told The Huffington Post. “Or maybe he thought it was really a ghost.”

She has another theory: the ghost that inspired the father’s initial investigation may have been what influenced the woman and teen to get it on.

“Maybe the ghost in question in their home brought this on? Maybe there was an invisible negative presence egging on the sexual desires?” Holzer said.

Ben Radford, a science-based paranormal investigator suspects that as more and more people use hidden cameras, the number of cases involving electronic evidence of adultery is likely to increase.

Radford wishes there was more information on what kind of paranormal activity the man thought was happening.

“It seems likely it was suspected poltergeist activity, which would typically include cabinet doors opening and closing, or dishes flying into the air,” Radford told HuffPost. “Presumably if that had happened — and the man had captured it on video — then the news story would have been about that!”

I think trying to blame the incest on the ghost’s “influence” is really stretching it there. It’s probably more a case of a boy raging with puberty and a woman quickly approaching her sexual prime just being horny. Nothing paranormal about that. Though her excuse for thinking the legal age of consent was 16 is a great attempt on her part to finagle out of it. Like, he’s still your stepson…

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Haunted house used to train China’s SWAT teams

May 22nd, 2013 No comments

Ummm. So, yeah. I am not quite sure what to make of this story, except to say that I find that there are many, many other real-life dangers that should probably be addressed much more than this type of “danger.” China’s SWAT teams are brought to a “haunted house” as part of their training to become…the best of the best.

For China’s elite police cadets, it is the ultimate test of their psychological pluck.

What a SWAT trainee may look like.

What a SWAT trainee may look like.

Left alone in the dead of night in an abandoned driving school, the prospective SWAT teams are expected to show they can remain calm even in the face of the paranormal.

“After only three steps, my flashlight shone on a skeleton,” wrote a journalist from the Wuhan Evening News who was permitted to test run the new haunted house training centre.

“Suddenly the wind started howling and there was lightening. I saw another skeleton hanging in the middle of the pouring rain.

“On my left, the screams of a baby shocked me. Then I heard a woman weeping, and then giggling. When I turned, a female corpse with long hair and dressed in white was hanging from a tree”.

Xia Zhigang, a police instructor, said the new facility was intended to beef up “officers born in the 1980s and 1990s [under the one-child policy], single children who were spoiled by their families.”

“The house generates tension, fear, the inability to concentrate and improves psychological balance,” he explained.

“This house was going to be demolished but we thought even the directors of horror movies could not find such a perfect spot,” he added.

Recruits are allowed a one-minute study of the layout of the 27-room building before entering armed only with a flashlight. The goal is to battle past the “atmosphere of terror” into the control room and turn off the apparitions.

 Yes folks, that’s right. This funhouse is used to “beef up” those who will be responsible for saving lives during critical crisis situations every day in China. Good luck with allllll that, China…

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The X-Files: 20 Years Later

May 20th, 2013 No comments

Holy crap. I can’t believe it’s been 20 years since “The X-Files” pilot episode aired. I watched the first episode when it premiered. I was 10 years old. And after that first episode, I subsequently taped every single episode, bought magazines, books, soundtracks…and can thank David Duchovny for pushing me right into puberty (even after all his, er, follies, I still have a really really creepy totally normal – I swear – crush on him). Don’t believe me? Ask my friends. Actually, don’t, they know far too much.

But I digress. 20 years, y’all! wow!

It’s been 20 years since “The X-Files” opened to viewers’ wanting-to-believe eyes, and the hit paranormal investigation drama’s creator, Chris Carter, doesn’t quite know what to make of that phenomenon.

"Scully would you think less of me as a man if I told you I was kind of excited: right now?"

“Scully, would you think less of me as a man if I told you I was kind of excited right now?”

“It’s surreal,” he told a sold-out crowd Sunday at the Hero Complex Film Festival shortly after entering to a standing ovation. “It’s like an X-File…. Twenty years’ missing time.”

Asked what he might do differently if he made the show now, he said, “It was of its time…. You probably could make the show today, but, I don’t know why, it just feels like it was made exactly when it should have been made.”

The festival’s closing night was devoted to the acclaimed Fox series, and included screenings of three fan-picked episodes – the pilot, which he wrote, “Jose Chung’s From Outer Space” and “Clyde Bruckman’s Final Repose.”

Carter said the pilot scene in which FBI special agent Dana Scully (Gillian Anderson), a skeptical scientist, first meets her new partner, Fox Mulder (David Duchovny), a crusading believer in aliens and conspiracy, wasn’t just their introduction as a duo to the audience, but to him as well: “That’s the first time they really acted together. They didn’t audition together for the parts. We really cast them separately, so we didn’t know there’d be that chemistry. What you were watching was really a kind of test, and it ended up working.”

David, if you’re out there reading this…call me!

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Miley Cyrus Stalked by Ghosts in London

May 16th, 2013 No comments

Yes, it’s another addition to the list of celebrity ghost stories. Apparently Miley Cyrus had some paranormal activity in her London apartment during her 2009 tour. I’m terrible at research, so does anyone know if she had been smoking marijuana back then? Also, this is not the first time the Cyrus family has been linked to the paranormal…or featured  on our blog (see here, here and here, where Billy Ray Cyrus was supposed to host a show on SyFy).

Miley Cyrus says she saw ghosts in her London apartment

“A ghost? That’s pretty cool!”

The 20-year-old singer and her family rented an apartment in the English capital during her 2009 European tour but they had to move to a hotel after a number of ghostly encounters.

She told British Elle magazine: “It was seriously so terrifying. One night, my little sister — it sounds crazy to tell you — but she was standing in the shower and all of a sudden, I hear her scream. I run in there and the water had somehow flipped to hot but it was still … It wasn’t like the water had just changed, the knob had turned but she hadn’t turned it and it was burning her. She was really red.

“I thought I had seen a little boy sitting on the sink watching me take a shower so I felt really freaked out. I was sitting there the next night and maybe I’m crazy, but I could have sworn I could see this little boy sitting there on the sink, kicking his feet.”

The family later discovered the apartment was reportedly haunted and Miley has vowed never to stay there again.

She said: “We found out that there was this older man that owned it [the bakery that had once been in the building] and his son lived with him there, and I guess the wife died or something, she had gotten sick.

“So it was just the son and the dad that lived there in the bakery, and then the dad died and the son took over the bakery, and I thought I was seeing the son. I’m not even kidding.

“I had to move. That’s not a lie. I will never stay there ever again.”

I think it’s safe to say that ever since Ghost Hunters came on the air, any business that can charge admission of some kind is not “reportedly haunted.” Hell, it’s an easy way to make a buck, and all you have to do is make up some cliché, non-verifiable story, and the knuckleheads will eat it up and pay $200 to get in and investigate with 150 other knuckleheads. Like, totally seriously though, old faucets and valves can move on their own if they are old, broken,, and there’s enough water pressure. Like, totally.

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