I’ve never been to Culpeper, Virginia before, but after reading this article in the Star Exponent, I think I can safely say it’s not the most exciting town in the state. Or the smartest.
In an unconfirmed report, Bigfoot visited the town of Culpeper last week, leaving a massive dent on the top of the town manager’s work car.
On a more serious note, someone — or something — flattened the top of the 2000 Ford Contour as it sat parked in the lot at town hall.
Culpeper Town Manager Jeff Muzzy, contacted Monday, was at a loss as to what happened.
“It looks like something fell or jumped up and down on it for several minutes,” he said. “I do not think this is personal. In fact, I had not even thought of that as a possibility.”
Though the older model car is assigned to him for work use, Muzzy said he rarely drives it. Instead, the car is more often used by other town hall staff members, he said.
The car is parked farthest out from town hall and closest to Main Street — within a stone’s throw from 7-Eleven. It sits not far from the back entrance to the law offices of Monica Chernin as well.
The car is not identifiable as the town manager’s work car and is parked in a spot reserved, more generally, for town staff.
Muzzy said the town filed an insurance claim for the damage, but he doubted it would result in much money due to the vehicle’s age. The Contour, is still drivable, he said, and was away from its parking spot and in use Monday morning.
“To me, someone just wandered over there and said, ‘Boy, wouldn’t it be fun to jump on that car?’ I hate to even give them credit for it,” Muzzy said.
He acknowledged town staffers are still talking about the strange incident. Many theories — including the Bigfoot one — have been tossed around.
Or maybe it was a bear, some have jokingly speculated.
The damage was reported to police, and the incident is being investigated as vandalism.
Ok, so why is “Bigfoot did it” one of the first things these people jump to as an explanation for this vandalism? Are there no cows for the teenagers to tip here in Culpeper? Are there no attractive cousins to hit on? No roadkill to eat? And since when is a car from the year 2000 considered an “older model?” The way they talk about it, you would have thought the car was from 1974 or something. But I digress. The Bigfoot explanation was put forth seriously, but the bear explanation was “jokingly” considered. Sorry Culpeper, I probably won’t be taking any canoe trips in your town any time soon.