Having a difficult time finding an appropriate gift for that “hard to shop for” family member? Wandering from store to store, shopping for your “favorite” in-laws? Well folks, (insert angelic singing here) I have found the solution of a lifetime!
While browsing online, through the masses of Black Friday sale ads and preparing my plans for attacking the holiday madness, I ran across an interesting ad (to say the least), in The Huffington Post. I am telling you, this store truly has something for EVERYONE. Yes, even your hillbilly uncle who collects human head trophies.
Here’s the story directly from their website:
November 29, 2013 02:57 PM EST |
NEW YORK (AP) — Where’s a Black Friday shopper to turn for a 19th century vampire-killing kit?
Believe it or not, the item is part of the Black Friday madness at the Ripley’s Times Square Odditorium. It will set you back about $25,000.
At a little more than $19,000 a shrunken head is a comparative bargain.
Or the thoughtful gift-giver might prefer a taxidermy Albino giraffe. The price tag is about $1.7 million. Gift-wrapping is not included.
Still got tons of room under the Christmas tree — and about $2.5 million to spare? Your loved one might be clamoring for 18th century, iron-clad elephant armor from India.
Already shopped out? No problem. The “featured collection” is being offered until Dec. 24.
(Or you can view the original link here:)
Ok, so the basic idea of this seems short, sweet, and pretty boring, right? Right. Is this the same story I originally read? Nope. From the first time I caught this until today, the story looks to have been edited, tweaked, shortened, pictures removed – and then copied to about fifty thousand other general news websites. Why? I have no clue. And that “featured collection” you see mentioned? It’s not just your eyes or your computer… the link to the ever-so-fabulous sale suddenly disappeared! Lucky for you, I snagged this one early.
This, you have to see for yourselves.
After I picked my jaw up off of the floor, I don’t know how I was able to refrain myself from bailing out on the family turkey-day dinner, and immediately hopping the next flight to New York. With Black Friday sales like the “variety of Shrunken Heads,” starting at only $20K, who could resist such a bargain?! But Black Friday is over, you say? Remember, Ripley’s has that special “Featured Collection” which is available until December 24th. WHEW! For a moment there, I thought I might miss out on my $25K vampire killing kit. And yes, you are all very welcome for the above link, so that you don’t miss out either.
After clicking above, I’m certain you are picking up YOUR jaws, and pulling out your credit cards. I thought I might help narrow down your shopping list to a few suggestions, from their completely sane, absolutely normal, totally not-creepy, “featured” section. Why? Because I know it is just UBER-difficult to choose from so many useful items:
1. For any good teacher at your child’s school, I’d absolutely recommend the 15th Century “Iron Maiden.” What better way could there be to deal with unruly children? (Or at least have a great scare-tactic!) And for a mere $2.5 million, you are saving the teachers a bazillion dollars on the prescription medications I’m fairly certain they must need to voluntarily be educators.
2. How about shopping for the teenagers in your house – and buying them a gift that will keep their little minds working, without buttons, wires, or screens of any sort? For only $25k, a six-legged calf skeleton will surely keep them entertained for hours! (Or have them in the bathroom throwing up for hours; whichever works for you.) What about the “Two-Headed Calf Skull”? At only $10k – you’re getting a definite 2-for-1 deal! Now, if this all seems a little pricey, I’m sure any teenage girl would give almost anything, to have the latest handbag – the “human hair purse” – (maybe one can be made in her OWN hair??) and it fits the pocket book a little more comfortably, at around only two thousand dollars.
After a shopping trip here, I can almost guarantee your children will have a Christmas they will never forget.
And last, but not least…
3. For the “difficult to buy for” husband and/or wife, there were several items I thought they should put into a gift container of some sort, and sell together. I’m sure they have some kind of “dried human skin” basket or box, that would make the perfect holder for my lovely combination of items: the appetizing and I’m sure delicious, “snake wine” (for a steal at $1K), the “man-trap” (no description needed, and only $3.5K), AND of course, the “penis sheath variety pack” (an amazing deal at only $500 each – and you can collect all five!). I know, I know… Awwwwww! How sweet is that? Now really, is there any better way to say “I Love You,” than such a romantic gift!?
After reading this ad, I think there are going to be some VERY happy folks out there this holiday season, and possibly an increase in the job market for therapists. Ripley’s, noted as being one of the “most unique shopping experiences,” ensures you can rest easy this season, and not leave out anyone on your holiday shopping list! Remember, these “featured” items are sale-priced until December 24th, so don’t miss out on these money-saving bargains!
My vote? Ripley’s totally deserves their own home shopping channel!